Who Would Win an Oscar Nominated Actor Fight?

Well, we might as well ask now.

Like many of the rest of you, I’m still a little stunned by what happened Sunday night at the Oscars. I have no hot takes on this incident; I’m pretty certain the world has exhausted them all. But I do feel like I sort of have to ask now: Who would win in an Oscar fight?

Let’s do some brackets. If this seems silly to you, hey, I’m not the one who slapped a guy in front of billions of people right before I accepted a Best Actor Oscar.

BEST ACTOR

Cumberbatch-Garfield is an all-timer: Whoever deigns to throw a punch probably wins there. I’ll give it to Cumberbatch: Seems more ambitious. I’m not sold on Smith’s fighting technique, but I do think he can take Benedict freaking Cumberbatch. Don’t sleep on Bardem here: He used to be a rugby player. Denzel was only a basketball player — he played for P.J. Carlesimo, the guy Latrell Sprewell choked — but I dunno: I just think Denzel’s got enough ferocity and tricks up his sleeve to win this one. And after last night, I think it’s clear: He’d whup Will Smith’s ass. Winner: Denzel Washington.