The United States Should Send Tanks to the Ukraine, Says “Me”

Definitely read to the end of this piece: It is not quite as it seems.

Will Leitch

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I know this might sound crazy, but hear me out: I think the United States should send tanks to Ukraine.

Now, before you start calling me a warmonger, let’s think about this logically. The Ukraine is in the middle of a very tense situation with Russia, and they need all the help they can get. And let’s be real: if there’s one thing the United States is good at, it’s sending tanks to places.

Plus, can you imagine the look on Putin’s face when a bunch of American tanks roll into Kiev? It would be like the time I walked into a party wearing my “Make America Great Again” hat. Priceless.

And let’s not forget the jobs that would be created by this little tank-sending escapade. We could finally put all those unemployed Tank Factory workers back to work. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to find jobs making electric cars, am I right?

And think about the boost this would give to the American tank-making industry. It’s like when I switched from Bud Light to craft beer: it’s a bold move, but it’s going to be great for business.

Finally, let’s not forget the ultimate goal here: peace. Sending tanks to Ukraine may seem like an aggressive move, but it’s all about showing Putin that we mean business. It’s like when I told my ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t going to take her back: it was tough, but it needed to be done.

So let’s show the world that America is still a force to be reckoned with. Let’s send tanks to Ukraine. And let’s make sure they’re shiny and new, not like the one I drive around in my backyard pretending to be Patton.

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OK. So I, Will Leitch, have written hundreds and hundreds of pieces for Medium over the last few years. If you are a regular reader of this space, you have gotten used to my voice: The tone of my writing, the topics I’m most interested, the way I see the world. I work very hard on my writing: It is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do for a living and the only thing I’m any good at. My whole strategy as a writer is to just keep making stuff: To write as much as I can, about the…

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Will Leitch

Author of six books, including “How Lucky” and "The Time Has Come." NYMag/MLB.. Founder, Deadspin. https://williamfleitch.substack.com