The Memories of Your Life That Will Last

They’re not always what you think.

When I was in high school, like my oldest son will be in precisely 18 months, I wanted to make my mark. I wanted, more than anything else, to be remembered. I knew I was going to leave my hometown of Mattoon after I graduated — as with many ambitious kids who grow up in small towns and dream of leaving to be a part of the larger world, this was both my signature personality trait and overarching narrative of my entire high school experience, surely to the annoyance of everyone around me — and thus had to do everything before I left. I was a joiner. I tried out for all the school plays, I ran for class president, I signed up for every club I could, I played for the scholastic bowl team and multiple sports teams, I went to every extracurricular activity …. I wanted to know everyone and I wanted everyone to know me. It wasn’t about being popular or anything like that; that was always going to be outside my reach. I think it was just about wanting to feel special. All kids want to feel special. That was how I tried to feel special. Forgive me. I was a teenager.

But if you were to walk through the halls of Mattoon High School today, nearly 32 years after I graduated, despite all my efforts back then, you would find only one shred of proof that I was ever even there.