Jeff Bezos Is Not Going to Space

He’s basically just floating for a couple of minutes.

This, this right here is a good joke:

That Jeff Bezos is going into space seems inevitable, doesn’t it? At a certain level, what in the world is the point of ruining small businesses and stomping your boot on the collective throat of your workers if you can’t blast off into space? As one of those lame, essentially worthless non-millionaires, I’ve always wondered what the point of amassing such unimaginable wealth as Bezos has. At a certain point, wouldn’t any reasonable person just say, “OK, now that wear a suit made of $10,000 bills while walking around a beach that I only I can access because I own the entire island and also every other island I can currently see, so maybe this is enough, this should probably cut it from here on out?” But now I understand. If you don’t have enough money to build an entire space program so you can your brother can fire yourselves into space, well, christ, you don’t really have any money at all.